It was my honor and my joy to share a life with you, dear Aslan. One can never actually predict how the day will feel when it does come, even though they think they’ve prepared.
There are so many memories that we created along our path together. Memories, from long ago, to just moments ago. I remember you as a cute, exuberant puppy, who used to play in the puppy pool with Kai, how you helped Kai play Don Quixote and went to all his little league games. What a good boy you were when scared dogs were boarded here and you would comfort them with your calm, accepting demeanor. You were everyone’s favorite when they came to visit to see what a Shiloh was, many asked if you were for sale, saying they were going to steal you in the middle of the night when I was not looking.
Aslan, I’ll miss your open smile and big, inquisitive, and friendly eyes. I’ll miss the way you always walked backward, when exiting a room or space and how you had passed that onto some of your sons. I’ll miss how food was everything to you and you never missed a meal or a treat. I’ll miss telling people that you are the most out-of-the-box Shiloh I’ve ever had.
Even now, as you look at me as I write this, a slight whine and looking directly at me, are you communicating with me, that it is not your time? You have always been in tune with my emotions, are you also sad because I am sad? Aslan, my love, I don’t want to make the wrong decision, by making it too late for you. I want you to leave this world before you suffer, not during, not after.
I think that this time when we take you to the Vet, it will be the very last time, that you won’t let us know that it is not your time, even though you still have some mobility under your body. Even though knowing you had a good life and that this is just the circle of it, it doesn’t make it any easier.
I am just sorry my dear boy as I will miss you so much.
It was my honor and joy to be able to care for you at the end. To help lift you up when it was too much for you to get up, to wipe your bottom when you were messy back there, to put your booties on every day and wash your feet at night, to gently brush you because you enjoy it so, to tell you how very much I love you. I will miss the sound of your booties, pitter-pattering on the deck as we walk to take you to the potty park. I will miss the energy you created in our home, the actual physical presence of your very being, it will be gone.
It is your physical presence I can no more have in my life. I am so sorry, my dear old boy.
I love you now and forever.
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